Let It Be

John 13:7 says, "You may not understand now what I am doing, but someday you will." What a powerful quote! If these past few months here at college have taught me anything, it's that good things take time. Far too often I find myself questioning God's plan. I question why things do or don't happen and if he actually cares. I believe every one of us here on Earth is guilty of this. God made us HUMAN for a reason. He gave us free will so that we can question him. If all people have 100% faith without question it would be a very different world. Questions and doubts are laced into every part of our lives. Although this may seem like a bad thing, it isn't. Doubt allows us to become better Christians. When our faith is challenged but yet we overcome it and trust in Him anyways, we show our love for our heavenly father. 

Throughout these last few months, I felt like I was lost in a forest of doubt. Doubt of both God and myself. I felt like nothing was going my way. That was because I was so busy focusing on what I wanted instead of what God wanted. As school started up, an old wound that I thought was healed opened back up. Seeing the many people that I knew through FFA brought back the pain of not getting state office. This wound that I thought was completely healed, turned out to have only scabbed over, simply covering up the fact that I was still upset about it. I decided that I would try to cover up this pain by any means possible. I put all my efforts and hope into new adventures. I applied for a job that I was extremely confident about getting and I also applied to go to Taiwan for an agricultural exchange. I was so hard-headed about getting these opportunities that I did not take the time to ask what God wants. As it turns out, this was NOT the plan for me. My schedule ended up not working out for the job and I needed up not getting chosen to go to Taiwan. 

Now, what am I supposed to do? I had placed all my hopes on these two opportunities and now they were gone. Did God not love me? Am I just doomed to be unsuccessful? I was a little overdramatic. After a few days of me being dramatic, I finally decided to sit down and talk to God. I asked him to forgive me and to let his will be done. My life almost immediately did a 180 (talk about some crazy whiplash)! My entomology professor asked me to stay after lecture one day. He ended up giving me a job application. A week later and I was officially employed by the K-State Insect Zoo. I would have never imagined myself working for the entomology department at K-State. Now, I completely love my job. Not only did I fall in love with my new job, but I quickly fell head over heels for my new secondary major, Global Food Systems Leadership. It was because of these two new endeavors that I caught the attention of the interview committee for early admittance into veterinary school. Less than two weeks after that interview, I received a letter in the mail saying that I was accepted into the program. 

Within a matter of just two weeks, my life went from depressing to outstanding. I had an amazing new job, a new secondary major, and was accepted into veterinary school. But was God done with me quite yet? NOPE. After talking to a few of my professors about a research idea I had, not only did I catch their attention, but I also received offers to start up a new research program next semester as well as got asked to assist with research through USAID (United States Agency for International Development) at K-State for sustainable agriculture. I was blown away! I was so excited about everything to come but yet I still couldn't stop thinking about the Taiwan trip that I had applied for. I had such a strong passion for going abroad but knew that most trips would be too expensive to afford. As it turned out, God had a trick hidden up his sleeve. After meeting with a guest speaker that I had in one of my lectures who happened to be the CEO of an agricultural international non-profit organization, I ended up getting invited on an impact trip to Guatemala later this fall and was offered scholarships to help manage the costs. I was finally able to go abroad!

There are certain times in our lives that we are truly humbled by God. These past few months have taught me that. Times of doubt and discouragement are bound to come no matter what. Sometimes it will feel like we can do nothing right and that God is punishing us, but this could not be further from the truth. We may not understand what God is doing at the time, but one day, we will. If I had gotten state office, I would have never been able to do ANY of things that I did in these last few weeks. If I had been able to go to Taiwan, I would have never got the chance to go to Guatemala (which is a far more beneficial experience). If I would have gotten the job that I applied for at the beginning of the year, I wouldn't be working at the insect zoo or had time to focus on my research. The undeniable truth is, GOD HAS A PLAN. It may seem confusing at first but one day you will see. You just need to LET IT BE. 



If you would like to donate money to my trip to Guatemala, please click the link below.
 gf.me/u/vwvttn