Fear Free in the Face of Failure
Henry Ford once said, "Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." Failure has always been something that I have never functioned well with. Throughout nearly all of my life, I have rarely ever failed. That is, until this last month. These last 30 or so days have been jam-packed with stress, doubt, and (most of all) failure.
Graduating from high school Suma Cum Laude, the president of three different organizations, nearly $10,000 in scholarships for the first year of college, and countless titles at the district, state, and national levels may seem like nothing but sunshine and rainbows. On the contrary, this has led to a terrible and completely unrealistic outlook on life. My countless successes caused me to believe that failure was less than me. I was untouchable. Well, I was sooo wrong. Little did I know that my world was about to be shook.
My month of defeat began at 8:00 am, on a Thursday morning, in the high school library. Pencil in hand, I sat down to the 4 hour long AP Chemistry Exam. Never in my life have I ever felt more lost than when I saw the horrors inside of that exam booklet. I had no idea what I was doing. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I failed that exam. This bothered me for a long time. It was a strange feeling not knowing what I was doing for what was probably the first time in my life. My troubles only got worse as the month continued. Four state FFA competitions and two of the most important interviews my of life (so far) were right around the corner. Lack of sleep, stress, studying nearly 24/7, and constant pressure to excel at everything can cause someone to do some crazy things. I was so busy trying to be successful at everything, I did not take enough time to focus on what I actually wanted. This eventually led to me not accomplishing any of my MANY goals. I didn't win any of the competitions and my interviews didn't go as planned. Becoming a State Officer for Kansas FFA and becoming the Kansas FFA Star in Ag Placement have been my goals ever since my sister was in high school. I did not achieve either of these goals. I failed.
Accepting the fact that I failed was difficult, to say the least. Denial eventually gave way to the realization that there was nothing I could do to change the fact that I lost. I was a mess of tears and perhaps a little too much snot. FFA was my life and I was willing to give the rest of my life to it. But now, that is no longer an option for this year. I was crushed at first, but then I received a piece of advice from a new friend. He told me to use this upcoming year to figure out who I am outside of my FFA jacket. After spending the last couple of days pondering on this idea, I now see the wisdom in these words. Before I can become a successful leader, I must first learn about who I truly am. Throughout high school, I have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to relax and be myself. I became too busy focusing on being perfect, I forgot what it truly means to be human, imperfect. Although I may have not accomplished what I set out to do, I now understand that this is only the beginning. Now is not the time to cower in fear, fear of failing. Now is the time to get out in the world and try something new. It is time for me to find my passions, meet new people, and make mistakes. I am no longer afraid. I am fear free in the face of failure.
Graduating from high school Suma Cum Laude, the president of three different organizations, nearly $10,000 in scholarships for the first year of college, and countless titles at the district, state, and national levels may seem like nothing but sunshine and rainbows. On the contrary, this has led to a terrible and completely unrealistic outlook on life. My countless successes caused me to believe that failure was less than me. I was untouchable. Well, I was sooo wrong. Little did I know that my world was about to be shook.
My month of defeat began at 8:00 am, on a Thursday morning, in the high school library. Pencil in hand, I sat down to the 4 hour long AP Chemistry Exam. Never in my life have I ever felt more lost than when I saw the horrors inside of that exam booklet. I had no idea what I was doing. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I failed that exam. This bothered me for a long time. It was a strange feeling not knowing what I was doing for what was probably the first time in my life. My troubles only got worse as the month continued. Four state FFA competitions and two of the most important interviews my of life (so far) were right around the corner. Lack of sleep, stress, studying nearly 24/7, and constant pressure to excel at everything can cause someone to do some crazy things. I was so busy trying to be successful at everything, I did not take enough time to focus on what I actually wanted. This eventually led to me not accomplishing any of my MANY goals. I didn't win any of the competitions and my interviews didn't go as planned. Becoming a State Officer for Kansas FFA and becoming the Kansas FFA Star in Ag Placement have been my goals ever since my sister was in high school. I did not achieve either of these goals. I failed.
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